David and Grace Tong's Obituary
David Wai Shang Tong was born in Canton, China on June 10, 1932. Grace Siu Ming Tong was also born in Canton on February 11, 1932. Both David and Grace were the oldest child in their family and took care of their siblings.
David and Grace met in medical school. They were quite modern for their time, often throwing ballroom dancing and classical music parties with their set of friends. These early life experiences/passions likely inspired them to appreciate other Western things like
food and music.
David and Grace attended Sun Yat Sen University, Zhongshan School of Medicine. Our Dad talked about his training, performing an emergency appendectomy on a patient before he was fully trained, and it was a success. Mom talked about doing a rotation in optometry
where her stomach churned and never could look at eyeballs the same.
After graduation Dad worked in the hospital for 3 years. Dad was very good with his hands doing detailed fine motor tasks. Mom believed he would’ve been a good surgeon.
Victor was born in 1958. Due to the worsening political situation, they made plans to leave China and move to Hong Kong. At the time hepatitis was widespread so Dad claimed to have the condition to take sick leave from the hospital. At the same time, his mother secretly
arranged an exit permit to leave China. Dad was denied entry to HK and only able to obtain a visa to Macau. From Macau, he got connected with a human smuggling organization, boarded a fishing boat with ten other people to attempt illegal entry into HK.
During the journey at night, the weather was very fierce and windy. All the passengers held hands and were all prepared to die that night. Fortunately they survived and landed in Kowloon and were placed in a hotel. Families were contacted to come and pick them
up. It was such a process shrouded in mystery and the whole escape plan was arranged by his mother. If the plan had failed Dad would have been dealt extra punishment due to being considered a member of the intellectual class. Later his mother planned for Grace
and Victor to arrive in Hong Kong shortly after.
David worked as a health care provider at a charitable organization, then opened a private clinic where he lived. He even delivered a handful of babies. He was not able to get registered as a physician because HK at that time was under British rule and did not recognize
qualifications from China. Grace worked in the HK Medical and Health Dept as an inoculator.
While waiting for their visa to immigrate to the US, they prepared themselves by David getting a driver’s license, ( he was super proud of being a certified British trained driver :-) ) and attending cooking school. Many of you can attest to Dad’s amazing cooking
and mom’s desserts. Grace took up cooking and sewing classes. The intention was to equip themselves with additional skills to adapt to a new environment.
In 1968 they set forth on a new chapter, immigrating to Hawaii and boarded the SS President Cleveland American President Line. They embarked on a 2 week journey, stopping at 5 Japanese ports of calls: Nagasaki, Hiroshima, Kobe, Yokohama, and Tokyo. They spent
Christmas on the ship with the captain and crew and other passengers.
They arrived in Hawaii on New Year’s Day 1969, disembarking at Aloha Tower. They were warmly welcomed and greeted by hula dancers. They stayed the first month at Amy and Bob Hee’s home (Grace’s younger sister whom she and her husband sponsored in their immigration
process). Aunty Amy and Uncle Bob helped them get their footing. With only a few hundred dollars in their pocket David and Grace set off to build a new life in Hawaii, with the sake of providing a better future for their family.
Mom and Dad’s first job after arriving in Hawaii was at the Dole Cannery plant, trimming pineapples for a minimum wage of $1.60 per hour. Mom often told us stories about her really wanting an ice cream cone they sold at the store but refrained in order to save,
scrimp, and make ends meet. Mom later changed jobs to work in a hotel as a housekeeper, where she met a very warm and kind Hawaiian woman named Anna.
Anna’s husband Danny, was a foreman in a lumber factory. Anna referred Dad to her husband, who hired him to work as a carpenter with a starting wage of $2.60/hour. It was considered a good wage at that time. Every few months Dad received a raise and soon had a stable
income and stable home. They rented a centrally located apartment, then moved into a low income housing unit for 4 years. During this time, they saved up to buy an apartment unit.
From smooth hands as a doctor to calloused hands, Dad worked as a carpenter for the rest of his working life until retiring in 1994. Mom and Dad had such gratitude towards Anna and Danny and always remembered them. Every Christmas even after Danny retired, Mom and
Dad would visit them, bringing them food, desserts, and the ever Hawaiian gift staple of macadamia nuts.
Mom would eventually take classes at Kapiolani Community College being the oldest student in her class. The younger students would often “talk story” with her. She had a big smile, hearty laugh and quick to make fun of herself so people were drawn to her. She
was pregnant with her second child Doris and would fight through massive nausea during class. There would be stories of her holding a barf bag while going to school and taking tests. Mom got a job at Queen’s Medical Center as a dietician and retired there in
1996.
Post retirement, mom and dad took a tour of Europe. Traveling was a big passion for Dad. He didn’t get to do it much since Mom wasn’t a huge fan but Dad would continue watching travel shows, taping stuff through his VCR. Mom enjoyed reading a lot and relaxing and enjoyed making all kinds of Chinese dishes/desserts. She also enjoyed her naps, seeing all kinds of foreign films (every year she would get tickets for the Foreign Film Festival) and Chinese opera. They also took care of their granddaughter Celina when she was a baby. Ever the workaholics, they each took some part time roles. Dad working as a bus boy at a fancy Japanese restaurant where he got to see how they cooked. He would excitedly tell us in astonishment, “wow, this restaurant uses fresh oil for each batch of tempura!” Mom took a part time job being a caregiver/nanny for a family with 2 little girls. It seemed that wherever Mom went, her light, peace and grace would shine upon everyone she met, the family adored and trusted her. As they settled into their senior years dad would continue to save newspaper articles and tape snippets of things he saw on tv and saved them for us. One of his last “tapings” was where he recorded a global Lion Dance competition for Owen and Olivia and kept it for us until we
visited Hawaii next. He was always excited to announce he saved something for us, sharing information and snippets of his passions: soccer, music, opera, traveling, recipes, things to be careful of. Ever the detailed, borderline OCD he also seemed to develop
a past time of looking at recipes, trying them, changing them, and re-writing it with triumph. They were wonderful grandparents and loved their grandkids with all their heart, making them their favorite foods from, Dad and Mom getting them to smile at any opportunity.
David passed away May 2, 2021 at the age of 88, and Grace passed away May 18, 2021 at 89. They are survived by their son Victor, daughter-in-law Linda, their daughter Doris, son-in-law Warren and grandchildren, Celina, Owen, and Olivia. David also is survived by
siblings Wai Kong Tong and Susan Mah, Grace is survived by siblings Amy Hee, Susan Choy, Keong and Charlie Chan.
Word from the family:Mom and Dad chose their English names when they arrived in the US. We are not sure exactly how they chose these names but David means “beloved or “beloved uncle”. Grace was first used as a reference to the phrase “God’s grace”, and including meanings like goodness and generosity.
For those that knew our parents, their English names suit them well. If we think about the adversities they overcame and how they endured with sheer grit in the most graceful manner, we couldn’t think of a better name. (As we are going through their house, we are seeing countless notes of English words they didn’t understand from newspapers or the mail with Chinese translations next to it and countless English to Chinese dictionaries.) They always had a big warm greeting for everyone and kept many people in their hearts. Our Dad was particularly sentimental. If you saw the piano in their home, it would be covered with pictures of so many they kept near and dear to their hearts, would keep every letter/card people sent them, and were generous in so many ways beyond
money.
We share and hold the beautiful memories of how they loved their own parents, their siblings, nephews/nieces, their children, the joy and light in their eyes towards their grandchildren, and close friends they cherished. Everyone who knew Uncle David and Aunty Grace would be able to remember their warmth, laughter, sweetness, bewilderment, and curiosity at something new or the simplest of coincidences, and most genuine love they had for everyone.
On behalf of our families, Victor and I thank everyone for their support and love during this difficult time. We are lifted by your love, prayers, texts, calls, flowers, food, and grateful for what each of you mean to our parents. They had a special place for
each of you in their unique way.
We had an ash scattering sail on June 22, 2021 on a catamaran off the waters of Waikiki and had a celebration of life brunch and dinner after. With Covid it was difficult for many to join us but we knew you were there in spirit.
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